Thursday, November 29, 2012

On Being a Girl

I've thought long and hard about our conversation last night. It's so strange- it hardly concerns guys at all, but girls spend much time thinking about what it means to be a girl. A woman, I guess. Yesterday I feel like I talked about the negative aspects of it, but I've realized lately that there are many privileges too, that guys are often denied.
A young, pretty girl can get away with murder. In many ways we are almost outside of, or above, the law. Of course this isn't true in every case, but certainly more so than men.
We are probably one of the most desirable things on earth. It's kind of sick and twisted, but once you except it you also realize that a world of privilege and opportunity can open for you just based on gender, age, and genetics.
You'll be hard pressed to find a girl who admits to it, but I will- I have consciously used my "winning personality" (a.k.a. feminine wiles) in order to get things I want out of men, especially older men. Usually at work- if you flirt with an older, wealthy man, he will give you money. More and more money. My female manger has even talked with me about it, brutally, saying "Here, this private party has requested a young female server. Go charm them. Don't you feel like a prostitute?"
And yes, it does feel like prostitution, but I also don't feel bad about it. If the fools think that me batting my lashes and joking with them means I'm actually into them, and give me things that I want/need, then it's no skin off my back- it's only acting a part.
As one of the most desired commodities on earth, you get into clubs. You get the jobs. You get drinks bought for you, dinner, attention. Special service. Worshipped. It's heady nectar.
Some girls don't realize this, I think. I started to realize it after high school. It was so incredibly easy to play the role that men expected. Other girls will fight their entire lives, complain, push people away, get offended. But the ones who see the truth of the system will use the system, and to their advantage. It's hard enough being a girl as it is. If you expect equality, you will forever be disappointed. But if you can twist the inequality to your benefit, then at least for a few years you are the one who has the upper hand.
What men want is so unbelievably simple. They are flattered by attention, by the way you gaze at them admirably. If you tease them about being idiots, they think you mean the opposite. They want to be noticed, they want you to feel safe with them. Besides the obvious sex thing, they want you to need them in some way. They want you to laugh at their jokes. To respect them.
And if you provide the illusion of even a few of these things, they will chase you, they will want you, they will eat out of your palm.
Maybe feminism is dead. Or maybe it just has a new face.

One (Blake's Got a New Face)- Vampire Weekend


  1. Admission of guilt. For shame.

  2. Standard structure for any noir story, right? The femme fatale can get away with anything, even with the world-weary, hard-boiled and streetwise detective, 'cause she's got long lashes and gams up to her eyeballs?

    I have an old high school friend--tall and blonde--who works as a hostess in Las Vegas. She ROUTINELY gets flown around the world on private jets by rich egomaniacs, given umpteen-karat jewelry, festooned with gifts and money and privileges. Thank goodness she has brains to match her looks and never falls for their promises or propositions. It just goes to show...knowing is half the battle.

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