Too much energy. It's coming out of my fingertips, streaming out of my hair, shooting out of my toes and ears and eyes and twitching back and forth. I clean my room, do a load of laundry, get distracted by organizing piles of my books and papers and then switch to trying to study- but before I make a cup of tea. And eat a cucumber. And then start cleaning the kitchen, and the laundry is done so oh! Hang it up to dry.
Sometimes I miss the time when I lacked energy. When things were slower, calmer, more easily categorized and finished. I had time to think and think and think because all I had was time- time was maple syrup, time was slippery and sticky and I could wade through it as if in a dream.
Now I talk too much. I am still the shy, quiet child I used to be- except now, sometimes, my mouth opens and words pour out in a fast, jumbled stream and I can't stop it, they just keep coming. When I recognize it happening I tell myself to stop, to breathe, but then I am in the bathroom- how did I get here?- and I am talking out loud to no one but myself, saying breathe, breathe, breathe to the shower gel and the loofah and the green tiled floor. Then I can't help but laugh at myself for sounding like a crazy person telling herself to breathe, but my laugh is too loud and it makes it even more crazy, and I find that even more funny and I laugh longer, echoes slamming off the white walls and the dark skylight.