Monday, January 7, 2013

I sometimes get the impression that I've painted myself into a corner, so to speak, by the actions I've taken, the way I've dealt with the things tossed my way. I get this sense of claustrophobia and see doors slamming shut, windows being locked.

It's scary to care about people. It's frightening to have people in your life. They seem to send off these invisible streamers that catch, grip your skin, knot in your hair. You can't run with their emotions hanging off you. It's heavy, it weighs you down, pulls you down, like quicksand. Ties you to the ground. In one place.

Maybe that's what is so appealing about getting on a plane, or train, or in the car for a long trip. For a few hours, or even days, weeks, you get the sense that you've lost those ties, those tails dogging you. And it's exhilarating to be so light. Dizzy with the freedom and with the loss of other people's feelings, you can accomplish whatever you want in the manner you'd like.

1 comment:

  1. I completely agree. Any sort of travel or time away feels almost like a suspension where you get to leave time frozen for a while, where it's okay to be distant and removed ... It almost feels easier, then, to convince yourself that you don't really care about another's, or many others', feelings, or even your own. But then, at least for me, it usually makes returning feel all the more daunting, because everything is still sitting there, waiting, just as real as when you left it.