Sunday, March 14, 2010

Busy Busy

Busy, busy, busy. I have nothing worthwhile to say these days. When I zone out in class, I watch my pulse beating under the translucent skin on the inside of my wrist.
Today I sat in the cafe on the corner, pressed tight against the window in the sunlight, and I drank over-priced organic coffee and tried to focus on the negative aspects of nature. It isn't something I like to do, but it was for a paper. Before my thoughts became coherent and organized, it flitted through my mind the time I had sat in that exact same spot, early in September, and I had tried to take a picture of the person I was with, but they had turned sharply away and said "Don't; I don't want a picture taken of me." It was warmer then, and I had been deeply, soul-fully unhappy. I had walked out of the cafe after that incident, and I remember being vaguely self-conscious of my short skirt and wondering if people thought I was so pale because I was ill.
But tomorrow is St. Patrick's Day. I thought today was, and I wore a green scarf and cowboy boots and asked my friends out for beers. I didn't believe them at first, but of course I quickly found out they were right. I am excited for it, because these days I get excited over little things like that... I feel like they are the things that make life worth living.

20 Things That Make Me Happy These Days:

1) the melting snow and warm sun

2) talking with adults and asking intelligent questions and making them laugh

3) green beer

4) thinking about going on my dig this summer.

5) sitting in cafes and just thinking in general

6) wearing cowboy boots. They make you walk with attitude

7) treating any straight stretch of ground as a catwalk

8) hanging with my besties, K and S, even if it's just to watch old movies, or get dinner

9) baking Crack Pie (I'll post a recipe one of these days. It's so addictive and delicious.)

10) sitting in a bar with J-my-oh-my and listening to him comment on everyone and everything

11) fresh tulips and daffodils at work

12) having the house to myself in the mornings, and having leftover Chinese for breakfast

13) vanilla oreo's, pesto pasta, sate salmon, sushi, and Douglas Copeland (not all at once, haha)

14) dancing and singing along to Taylor Swift

15) wine that's served in a rooster-shaped jug

16) laughing in lecture hall at the prof's lame jokes, even when no one else does. I mean come on people, they're trying to be less boring here. You have to give them some credit.
17) interesting stories that Daniel from N.Y.C. sends me to read

18) being invisible/centre of attention. Both, in balance with each other.

19) dreaming about future plans, which involve much seeing of the world, and being truly good at what I do, and being interesting and doing exciting things and travelling for all eternity, and having a home-base full of the treasures I pick up, and helping humanity somehow, and never giving up hope that good exists, and other vague/lofty/noble ideas particular to my peers

20) connecting with people on a level different from just day-to-day interactions. I'm talking Jacquie's emails, and Postman's and Laura's comments, and deep talks with customers/co-workers at the cafe, philosophizing with sister D and Father, Mother's constant caring, laughing without reservation with brother J and other J, making eye-contact with that young busker in the subway, even when people stop me in the hall and say "I know you"... it provides the grease for the axle of my world.


  1. I love your posts. The expert use of visceral imagery ("my pulse beating under the translucent skin on the inside of my wrist"). The recollection of memories, both painful and whimsical. Or even just your lists of things that, as you so aptly say, "make life worth living."

    I'd never thought of cowboy boots that way.

    I love it when girls treat a straight stretch of ground like a catwalk. Didn't know any of 'em owned up to it.

    I NEED to know what's in Crack Pie.

    My chemistry professor made one single joke the entire term. Just one joke. "Remember, if you are not part of the SOLUTION, you are part of the PRECIPITATE."

    And as for number 19...we're very much alike. I still hope that good exists. I want to be a savant. Wouldn't object to helping humanity.

    Wow, Jane. These posts give me such a sunny feeling inside. You're an amazing writer and a deeply insightful person. Just the way you talk about things that everyone has in common: from their loftiest dreams to those chance meetings in the's the simplest treat and the most glorious epiphany, your writing.

  2. Wow, that's terrific writing... you seem like a really good person

  3. Thanks Postman. I will put up Crack pie recipe soon, and it's not too sweet so I love it. Your chem prof sounds like a typical science guy...I bet he makes that same joke year after year after year!
    I think good still does exist. It's hard to see it sometimes, but I HAVE to believe it exists... if not, then my world would come crumbling apart. I think part of living is searching for good, and truth, and trying your hardest to make good and love where there is none.
    Your writing aint half-bad either, cowboy. ;)

    Sandrino: why, thank you. Your comment made me laugh right out loud. Sometimes I think I am good, other times I know I am bad. It's humanity.

  4. Jane,
    I always love reading what is going on inside your head. Your writing is beautiful!
    You've inspired me to make a list of 20 things that make me happy these days. I need to remember the good, even though i am COMPLETELY consumed with loads of school work.