Apart

Most of the time I feel apart. Once in a while I’ll get this feeling of belonging, of being not whole and separate and contained but joined with others in a strange way. But most of the time it’s individual. 

I like it. Not all the time of course, but usually I like being on my own planet. It’s protective, because you can stare out all you want and they can stare in, but no one can touch you. 

Once in a while, I’ve had people join me. For instance there was Ivan, for years and years we were on the same plane of existence without actually ever touching. And there was Jill, for a time, and Scott before he went away, and maybe someday I’ll meet someone who isn’t like me, exactly, but complimentary to me, and it will work out to benefit the world beautifully. 

For now though I want to be true and brave and keep my head above the water. I want to be settled in my skin, to feel my bones are my bones, my sinews are my sinews, my blood is my blood. That my eyes aren’t just eyes, but a way of exploration. To feel, really feel, the clothing against my skin and your skin on my skin and the world on my skin.